Want more friends? Be more friendly.
Whether we like it or not, there is no adequate replacement for quality human connection. Even in our digital interconnected world where social media platforms have reimagined the way we communicate, just because you’re cracking jokes in the comments section doesn’t mean that you’re building the social ability to be able to do so in-person. If we want more real-life friendly interactions (that may lead to friendship!) then we need to practice cultivating warmth, openness and curiosity towards the people around us IRL. The secret is simple: if you want more friends, be more friendly.
Now why is something as simple as ‘friendliness’ seemingly more rare these days? Many of us may not like to admit it, but as a society we are still in the recovery phase of the social and mental health effects of the global 2020 pandemic. This means, as we step out each day and “get back to normal”, we’re actually being more fearful, guarded, and suspicious than ever before. For example, during a face to face conversation, you may find yourself unconsciously crossing your arms, avoiding eye contact, or fidgeting despite the absence of signals that would warrant your discomfort and unease. This unconscious body language creates a barrier to experiencing casual, lighthearted interactions on a daily basis, and heightens feelings of social isolation and disconnectedness. As we navigate the turbulent post-pandemic world, the once natural art of striking up a conversation with a stranger or extending a friendly smile to someone walking by now feels daunting and unfamiliar.
Whether you just moved to a new city, are transitioning into a different life phase, or simply craving to expand your social circle, here are some quick dos and don’ts on how to be a friendlier human:
Do:
Smile at strangers.
Put your phone away when you’re in public.
Hold the door open for someone.
Say please and thank you….always.
Ask people for their names (even if you’ll probably forget and have to ask again!)
Wish someone a good day when you’re walking away.
2 social plans a week - try one with your friend/partner, and the other solo so that you can be open to new connections.
Don’t:
Be passive and always wait for someone else to make the first move.
Be quick to judge people based on superficial traits and initial encounters - real connections take time.
Be self-absorbed and dominate conversations.
Interrupt people while their speaking.
Tell someone you want to hangout, even though you don’t actually want to; the quicker you disassociate from incompatible connections, the quicker you’ll align with ones that are : )
Let’s wrap it up!
If you find yourself longing for friends, try being a bit more friendly and see what happens! How are you supposed to give a stranger a compliment, if you’re always on your phone and not paying attention to the people in your surroundings? How are you supposed to feel a sense of human connection, if you’re always wearing your headphones? Just take the leap and be open-minded. It may take a bit of practice but human connection is inherent to our nature, so it is possible to find our way back to our default.
